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Decisions Pending.....

It's been a long time since we knew each other. I don't know when a simple friendship grew so deep that it turned into love. When, where, why, and how? I have no idea. I never wanted this to happen but there was nothing I could do to stop it. She knew that I was suffering, she knew that I won't be there with her for a long time and yet I just fell in love with her. I still remember, the day she told me about her feelings, it was a Saturday, speaking of it brings that very moment right in front of my eyes. I had just said that I felt the same same for her when something struck me, I had to warn her. "We do have feelings for each other, but I don't think it will work well." "But, why do you say so?" She said with a pained look on her face. I couldn't look at her like that. But I couldn't just leave it at that. "Well you see, my diabetes had reached the third stage and my situation is worsening..." "That is alright, you will be fine, I know it!" She replied with a smile. Till date I thank God for bringing that moment in my short life. I rejoiced everything we did together. Being with her gave me strength to go on and face the world. I hated it when people looked at me with pity. She was the one who did not. She made me feel as if everything was alright. Life seemed easy and cheerful with her around. She literally made me forget about my condition. I changed a lot and till date I thank her for that. Love was too small a word to describe what had developed between us. I remember spending days with her. Time was never a problem. Our parents too didn't interfere. Life was going great. We even applied for the same college and got admission but I don't think we were destined to. Due to my poor condition I had to stay near home and she had to leave for a place far away from me. But we made it work. Long distance was not a problem. We shared a deep bond. Phone calls, chats everything went on nicely. But today, I got a shock. "Son, you condition is very unstable." My father told me with a gloomy face. I was pained to see that expression on his face and tried to cheer him up, "Oh come on dad!! Everything will be fine just relax", but what did I know that what my father would say next would sweep me off my feet, "all of us are trying to believe in that son, but it is tiring. We want you to be happy, every day I call up the doctor with some hope that he would give me some good news, but I don't know when was the last time I heard a good news. Looking at you kills me every time..." I realized that he was about to break down, "what's the matter dad what happened now?" "You see, your mom and I have been discussing about this girlfriend of yours." "Yea what about her?" "Look son, I don't know how to put it but I'll tell you something, please try to understand...." "Go on dad I'm listening.." "Well I think you should leave her....." "WHAT? Dad why are you saying that I thought that you had no problem!!" "We have no problem but come to think of it, do you want to spoil her life?" "What are you saying dad why...?" Tears were rolling down my cheek without me even realizing. The very thought of separation was disturbing. "Look, I didn't want it to happen this way but just think of it. Your condition is not stable. So there is no guarantee of what will happen. Think of what she will have to go through if something happens to you...." My father had started crying. "I know that you are happy with her around but love is not about your own happiness. You have to think about others too." "DAD!! LEAVE ME ALONE..." I shouted out. My head was spinning. Thoughts of her were crowding my head and dad's words were echoing in my ears. I wanted to be alone. DAD left without a question. But he left me with a lot of questions. Why did it have to be that way? Wasn't there a way out ? Was I causing her pain? Should I leave her? That would be for her own good. I wanted to see her happy. Agreed that she would cry but eventually she would move on. But why? Why did this have to happen? Why this pain? Why me? How can I do this? No, I can't. I can't take it anymore.....need answers....need rest.............

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