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Conflicts within....

I don't know how do I keep up with this. I don't know why do I keep up with this. I just want this to end. My tears just don't stop, I can't even justify why I am crying. Each and every moment I tell myself that everything is fine putting her in front of my eyes. How I wish she had not gone that far. How I wish she was with me right now. How much I yearn for her touch, that reassuring warmth that made my world happy. She had literally lifted me to a higher level, I couldn't just leave her like that. My head is exploding, I have been ill for three days now. My parents have not said a word about our discussion that day. But I know that they eagerly wait. I just can't decide what to do. After taking so much from her I just can't let her go. I'll die. I just can't survive. She is my life. If I am alive today, it's because of her. I can't breakup with her. No, I can't be so selfish. She deserves better than that. I haven't given her anything, nor will I ever be able to. She would probably be better off with someone who could take better care of her. I must let her go. It will be for her own good. And moreover, I'll let her go, because I love her. But no, I can't, how can I let go of something so dear to me. But I cannot let such a sentiment spoil her life. She will suffer less if I leave her now compared to, if something happens to me and she comes to know about it. "AAAARGGH!!"... this mighty battle is tearing me apart from limb to limb!! I cannot take it. My condition is worsening, even though the doctor says that I'll be well in no time. I know my body. It is responding to this inner conflict. Never in my life have I faced such a conflict there is no solution to it. I cannot decide what to do. I love her too much to let her go. But not letting her go would be selfish. I must come to a decision before it becomes too late. My limbs feel weak. My head crowded. Every moment I think of her. I just cannot stand this anymore. This stress is killing me. I wish you were here. I wish you said something. I wish you could help me arrive at a conclusion. Picturing her in front of me I try to ask her. But she gives no reply. We talk daily but I cannot ask her directly as she will freak out for sure. I don't know how to solve this. I can see her crying in front if me, asking me as to why I did this and me standing there as if I had been stoned. I have no reply for her.

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